Buying your own house is high up on the list of life goals. Who doesn’t want to live in a place they own themself?
Unfortunately the sky high prices of many homes makes it hard to get on the property ladder. The average age of a person buying their first home has increased to 34 years old!
It’s likely that you will have friends that are in a position to buy a home sooner than you.
So what happens when your friend has got to this position but you haven’t?
How can you ensure your friendship continues even though you now have very different circumstances?
We’ve put together our top tips to fight your jealousy:
1. Accept the fact that your friend is in this position
It doesn’t matter how he or she managed to become a home owner – the fact is that your friend is able to take the next step in their life. It’s a decision that they are probably unsure about. Most people don’t say it explicitly, but when they tell you they are buying a home they do value your input.
The chances are they will not know a lot about buying a home, so they will be looking for advice from other people that they trust. You are part of this journey with them.
2. Being jealous is a human emotion – control it!
It’s normal to feel jealous. We as humans naturally compare ourselves to each other and have this hard wired into our brain. Envy can lead to you feeling sad about your own life.
You need to separate your reality from your friend’s situation. He or she got a new place before you. It doesn’t mean you won’t get there and it doesn’t mean they are happier or better than you. Life has different journeys for everyone.
3. Let them test it out
Do you remember letting your friend try ‘that new food’ that just came out on the menu in a restaurant? You didn’t want to risk ordering it in case it was disgusting, so your friend took the risk. You just had to sit and watch.
Well buying a house is similar. You’ll be able to benefit from listening to all the mistakes your friend has made along the way. And you won’t have to make them when you do eventually buy a place. Keep the notebook handy!
4. There is no fixed age to buy a house
You don’t have to condemn or guilt yourself because you feel jealous of your friend’s reality. The average age of buying a house is rising all the time. Many lenders are increasing the maximum age limit they will accept.
Crucially – the best time for you to own a home may not be right now. There are a whole range of reasons why you may not want to take on such a large commitment.
5. Maybe your friend got family help?
It’s easy to think that a friend saved enough on their own to buy a house – but this is actually becoming less likely in recent years in the UK.
The bank of mum and dad (now nicknamed BoMaD these days) helps to fund one in every two house purchases for people under 35. And 71% of these home buyers have admitted that without this extra help they would not have been able to purchase at all.
So although it is easy to compare with other friends – be aware that over half of first time buyers under 35 are only buying their home because the parents have some spare cash.
6. Is Instagram shoving it in your face?
People used to buy homes in private and invite close friends around to do the ‘big reveal. Not any more!
Social Media has quickly changed the usual way of doing things. When people buy a home they change their posts from ‘trips in the park’ to ‘parquet flooring for the new kitchen’, it’s easy to feel left out. (Although we’ve got nothing against parquet flooring)
Now everyone wants to show off. Nobody cares if the lifestyle they see online is fake or not. While some are true, others are hiding many problems behind the camera.
If it feels like you’re getting home pictures pushed to you in every app on your phone, consider taking a break from some of your social feeds. You really won’t miss much from your friends’ stories for a few days and it could really clear your head.
7. Are you on the same salary?
When you look at your friend buying a home are you comparing apples with apples? Or is your friend a bit of a melon instead?
The point being that some people are already on much higher salaries than you. This means it’s naturally easier for them to buy a house. Banks will normally lend people more money to people with a higher salary. It’s also true that people on higher salaries tend to have
And honestly, if they are earning more than you, the comparison game should be out of the question.
8. Is your friend buying with someone?
Trying to buy a home by yourself is very difficult. But when you have two people buying a home together (either as friends or as a couple) it becomes easier. This is because the lender will look at the combined salaries of both borrowers before deciding how much to lend them – called the loan to income multiple.
So if you are trying to buy a home by yourself – remember that some people have it easier when they are buying with a second person.
We’re NOT saying find someone to make friends with just to buy a home – this can end badly. The same is true for buying with someone who you have only started an early relationship with (trying to separate after may be difficult unless you have a tenants in common arrangement).
9. You might be more cautious about debt
With the astronomical price tag for houses, rushing to make big financial decisions can be bad for your financial wellbeing. It can cause problems if your career path can’t help you pay off the loans when they’re due.
The fact that your friend bought a home does not mean they own it – this will take them 30 years to pay off.
Mortgages should not be taken lightly. Promotions and ads are designed to draw people in with promises of what life will be like when you get a set of keys. The sad truth is there are many ups and downs along the way.
If you can’t pay your mortgage in the future the lender will have the right to sell the property and evict you as a last resort.
If it takes you some more time for you to become comfortable with the idea of a mortgage and fully understand it – this is much better than rushing into an arrangement.
10.Friends support each other through thick and thin!
They are your friends, remember? It is easy to forget what matters when you are jealous and laden with envy. Things can quickly become weird.
If you find them talking about their home too much, find something to love about it. It could be their garden, artic, garage, etc. The only reason they are telling you stuff is because of the friendship bond between you both.
It’s the same reason why they would continue to talk about your things even if they didn’t like it.
11.Take stock of what you already have
It’s always good to aim for things in life. Having key milestones can really help you on your journey. But it’s also important to be realistic in some of these goals. You shouldn’t be upset longing for something you haven’t achieved yet. Instead focus on the things you already have in your life.